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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Penguin?

I never knew how much research was involved in the field of plush toy design. Now I know that the answer is zero. This is the worst approximation of a penguin I have ever seen. It's beak is a nose and there is a separate mouth.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

What Do You Call the Seven Most Popular Girls in High School?

I may or may not be 12 years old.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

The Things You Write Are Stupid

What kind of organizational system is this? Vases and jackets? Are they winter vases?
Here's a secret, house wares mixed in with clothing make us want to punch you. Or at the very least spit on your car. You might think that the jackets keep the vases from breaking. We don't give a crap about your vases. They're probably worthless.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Triple Dick Score

Donor: Here you go.
Employee: Scrabble, cool. Where are the tiles?
Donor: Dunno. Just got the board.
Employee: ...um, thanks I guess.
Donor: Yeah. Can I get a tax receipt?
*Blogger's Note: I know that wasn't very funny, but this is one of those donations that is so terrible I can't think straight. I just want to curse. And that would have been less funny. People who don't work at the Donation Location will think I'm being mean. My co-workers are reading this and wondering why I went so easy.*

Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Power of Christ Compells You

Donation Rule #15: If your item looks evil, dipose of it. The Donation Locationeers are not certified to perform exorcisms.
Admit it. You had an audible reaction to that picture. Either that or you pooed a little.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

A Little Night Music

Yes, David Rose and his Orchestra play "The Stripper" and Other Fun Songs for the Family. The hard to find vinyl gem has landed at the Donation Location. Hear other family appropriate toe-tappers such as "Street Walker," "All-Nite Porn Theater Waltz," and "Lil' Mabel Mudflaps." Perfect for the entire family that aspires to be on Behind the Music.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Donation Location is Sorry For Your Loss

Rule #34 for donating items to charity. Any stock you have left over from your failed attempt to break into the craft fair circuit is not acceptable. This plastic, castle-shaped kleenex holder falls under this rule, as do diamond shaped ornaments made out of the same material. This thing is a classic Dead Relative Donation. Somebody's grandma died and they just scooped everything that was on her dresser into a box and couldn't handle the thought of throwing her things away. So they decided to give them away. Right now you probably think I'm a terrible person for writing that. But I'm not the one who donated garbage to charity.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Bustin' Out the Popcorn

This is the wrong kind of educational movie.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Off the Tip

This is from Hummel's "Red Light District" line of figurines.
To be fair somebody bought this, so it ended up being sellable and not a bad donation. However, I'm not sure if it was purchased by someone who saw its comedic value, an old lady who didn't think it looked like an engorged wang, or an old lady who loves children and engorged wangs.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Dear Annie

If you're a tiger, how insulted are you right now? When a tiger runs it is a display of power and majesty. And it is in order to take down gazelles. When a house cat runs, it is generally described as "spazzing out." As I write this, a cat is rubbing her face on my computer. Not very tigerish. This book is clearly for guys who prefer tabbies over bulldogs but still want to look tough.